my journal

Resuming from here (since he banned me, after I helped him with his forum for one whole month):
ifers.boards.net/post/1986/thread


Ok... finally a place all to myself (feel free to post in it), because the administator said I can have freedom of speech and even write off-topic things, such as a conspiracy theorist's journal, I suppose. But feel free to delete this thread if you find it not relevant to the forum's subject, not serious enough, or inappropriate for any other reason.

I am going to start where I left off here, shortly before being banned:
ifers.boards.net/thread/75/journal?page=8

I am about to go to bed, so let us start the music, a song that talks about a small town going to sleep, very poetic:



I am certainly grateful to the Administrator at the other forum for not removing all my 500 posts after banning me. That way I can go back and copy some content or read what I wrote. I think I understand him a little bit. I don't think he thought I was a shill. I think he has a temper problem and, like a child, cannot accept people disagreeing with him. I understand him because I am probably like him in many aspects, although of course I wasn't the administrator so I kept my ego at bay. But, had I been a leader of a movement, I would have been hypersensitive to disagreement and turned into a dictator, too. The typical "power trip" as they say.

So... I am not even mad anymore, because I am very similar to him. Initially I was livid with anger. All that advertising and efforts and then banned and labelled a "shill". But you know what helped me? That he banned another 3 people along with me. And you know why he did it? To make me feel better. In Italy we say "mal comune mezzo gaudio", which perhaps is equivalent to "a trouble shared is a trouble halved". And he made me share it with 3 other people, so it is only 25%.



Wow, excellent. Ilse Werner, the best in my opinion, from that period.

I would have done the same. After realizing he had made a mistake by losing his temper, he tried to correct his mistake by putting me in a group with other banned people, so to make me feel less humiliated. It works.

And you know why his temper exploded against me? I understand this, too. He put up with me for an entire month of saying that maybe Mark Sargent is not a shill. For a month I kept posting his interviews, because we have to listen to them, whether he is a shill or not. But it bothered him. I am sorry it bothered him, but I had to do it for the sake of studying his interviews, which is what the thread was about.

So it bothered him, espelly the last one. But he said nothing for a month and exploded all at once. He could have very easily written me a message saying to stop posting interviews, but he is shy basically. Shy and polite. But it still bothered him. I understand him. I'm like that, too. That's the problem with those who are so polite and shy. We do not warn people when we're getting fed up. Well, actually I am not shy when I write, but just in person.

Maybe that's the only problem he has. Oh, and he also has a little bit of a temper, as I said, and a temper for an unknown truther like me would not be relevant. Not that I have one, because I am more diplomatic. But for a leader like him (even a forum with 200 users makes you leader) a problem like this gets amplified.

Anyway, I understand him. And, while I was initially very offended and he certainly acted like Robespierre during the Reign of Terror or Stalin during the Great Purge, I have almost completely forgiven him, because I am forgiving myself by doing so.



This little event of being banned after working for a month for a cause, and to help a leader, whom I admired and who ended up accusing of being a "shill", made me understand history better, and how many politins and revolutionaries end up dying because of being betrayed (think of Hitler and Ernst Röhm, or Stalin and Trotsky) or how they end up killing their former comrades. Something which I have sometimes wondered about.

Now I understand it, because it happened to me, on a smaller scale because we are on the web. I have also noticed the sidekicks inciting the leader to be tough. Which in fact was exactly what I was doing until that moment against the trolls and shills, who seemed to be harassing us and the leader. They applied that same exact rule to me, because with my ideas of not attacking the Jews and not attacking Mark Sargent, I was harassing the forum -- at least that is what they thought.

Now of course the forum is in the hands of people who have a different concept of "peace", a word which is always at the end of the leader's posts. My concept of peace was to not exclude anyone, who is disagreeing but willing to talk respectfully, and try to convince them, but also allow them to try and convince me. Their concept is now closer to this: let us ban everyone who disagrees with the leader, even those who do it very respectfully.